New Spring Semester classes. Hurry! Sign-up now! Space is limited! All male classes are prepared and presented by females only and all female classes are prepared and presented by males.

SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

1. Are you ready to leave? -- Definition of the word "yes"

2. Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")

3. Elementary Map Reading

4. Crying and law enforcement

5. Advanced math seminar -- Program your VCR

6. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours

7. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: a study in contrasts

8. The Seven-Outfit Week vs. the Seven-Week Outfit

9. PMS -- It's YOUR problem, not mine (Was: It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty -- Deal With It)

10. Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission

11. Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights

12. Driving III: Approximating a constant speed

13. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving--It's As Simple As Oil and Water

14. The Super Bowl : Not a Game--A Sacrament

15. Telephone Translations (Was: "Me too" equals "I Love You")

16. How to Earn Your Own Money but just Spend His

17. Gift giving Fundamentals (Was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)

18. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side

19. Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup

20. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry

21. We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats: LET'S LET IT DROP

22. MYOB: Proper response to other couple's public arguments

23. Yes, You Can Buy Condoms (Was: WE learned to deal with the embarrassment)

24. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels

25. What Goes Around Comes Around--Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy

26. The Penis: His Best Friend Can Be Yours, too

27. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out

28. Commitment Schmittment (Was: Wedlock Schmedlock)

29. "To Honor and Obey:" Remembering the small print above "I Do"

30. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House

31. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man-child Healing Wounds by Expressing the Latent Wild Man Within?

SEMINARS FOR MALES

1. Combating Stupidity 2. You, too, can do housework

3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut

4. How to fill an ice tray

5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money

6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4:00am

7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled "Don't wash my silks")

8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception

9. Get a life -- learn to cook and then clean up the kitchen

10. How not to act like an asshole when you're obviously wrong

11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right

12. Understanding your financial incompetence

13. You -- The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons to give flowers

15. How to stay awake after sex

16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom

17. Garbage -- Getting it to the curb

18. You can fall asleep without "it" if you really try

19. The morning dilemma: shower first, THEN breakfast

20. I'll wear it if I damn well please

21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly "No, it's not a bidet")

22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms

23. Give me a break! Why we know your excuses are bullshit

24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost

25. The remote control -- Overcoming your dependency

26. Romanticism - Ideas other than sex

27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes

28. Mothers-in-law -- They are often people, too

29. Male bonding -- Leaving your friends at home

30. You too can be a designated driver

31. Seeing the true you (Formerly: "No, you don't look like Mel Gibson, especially when naked")

32. Changing your underwear -- It really works

33. The Attainable Goal -- Omitting "tits" from your vocabulary

34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulation is NOT necessary

35. Techniques for calling home

Please sign up early. Seats are very limited!!!

Engineer Joke

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey - Nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the other. "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young, co-ed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says "You can have ANYTHING YOU WANT!"

"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn`t have fit you anyway."

Vampire Joke

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

" Good," said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't!"

An in-depth analysis of Scooby Doo

Scooby-DOOBIE-Doo, where are you? We need some help from you now....

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER:

Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH:

Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs.

Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery.

It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence...

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world -- they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however...

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these two are really doing -- they're getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne, with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and doing their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect 'hit'. Oh if we had only known these things when we watched this cartoon as children...